Silenced | Day in the life RCD

Hello RCD readers,

Silence is safety. Safety for judgement.  Safety for hurt feelings. Safety for disapproval.  Safety for being misunderstood.  Safety for unnecessary advise. Not letting people know is a coping mechanism to keep moving forward in life. 

Getting silence

The older I get the more I understand people their inability to be truthful and keep secrets. It bother me a lot. Until I understood and finally stopped oversharing. If they can't fix the situation and if it doesn't envolve them per se. They don't need to know it.  And most important "it's perfectly okay".

Being vulnerable is not given

Vulnerability is a gift. It's not a must in any relationship.  It's a gift people are allowed to give if you when and if they are ready. So the silence I get is not an insult just a message.  Either we are not as close as I think we are. I'm a private person. I choose what I want to share with you.  Or I don't trust people so I won't share. Or I need to keep it safe so nobody's negativity can harm this situation. Either way respect it and move on. Don't take it personally.  Which I always would. I saw connecting as oversharing. Until I met people that kept secrets. They choose what to say to me. Mostly everyone. But it annoyed me. I'm learning not to take it personally.  But don't get me wrong. You get what you give. Not the love. But the being a part of my life yes. Because it's a gift I use to give freely to my close friends. 

Being silenced 

Now silence can also be people their  inability to take advice. So you get shunted out for caring. You get treated like dead weight because you dare to ask or say this is wrong. Learning very quickly how to deal with that. You can only help who wants your help. You can only let people see who you are when they want to. A person will hold the image of you for years because of own inner demons. And sadly that is not your problem. Remove that savior complex. It's not always your problem.  We are here to show God's love. Yes we should help. Yes we should show our fellow Christians the way. But most important they have free will. Stop hitting dead weight.  With that being said. Be open and ready when they are willing to receive your advice, your help, your presence... But until then they will figure it out themselves.  Stop begging people for your presence, your advice, your help , your kindness and most important your love. 

Let it be.

So I did learn something important from relationship reading my book. Not how to change bad or dysfunctional relationships but how to accept them. How to understand from their point of view without losing yours or not being true to yourself. But by holding space for both realities. OMG this was and still is hard. I became really angry, resentful and hurt at first.  Until I prayed and figure out. Not because I'm working on myself means they are in the same phase of that as me. And that's okay. It's their own journey not mines..