la transformación | Day in the life RCD

Hello RCD readers,

Change is a part of life. The quote " this too shall pass " is living rent free in my mind. 

I hated change. I feel safe in repetition.  My body begs for that space of where I need to grow and take more roles in my own life which not all I'm willing to so. 

This too shall pass. It's terrifying but also liberating.

I'm learning to not try to fix everything. I remember as a teenager. Fixing certain situations was just me escalating things. I see the outcome of a bad choice and I think about saying something. Being the intermediary will not always work. Trying to help with my actions is not welcomed either.

But to watch the destruction is sometimes like breaking your heart into thousand pieces. 

In the end after all the interfering "did you even make one single thing better?"

It was not character but I'm trying my best. Take a back seat and let the chips fall where they shall. My brother thought me this awhile ago and hated it but here goes "They are adults. It's not your responsibility to carry other's burdens always. When their decisions and life choices bring them back to where you just got them out of."

We are not God. Somethings aren't for us to fix but for us to follow His lead in. 

You take sometimes the persons chance to grow and evolve. You take somebody's chance to go to God and build that relationship by learning God had them. 

Change is scary but is necessary. Embrace it.

Back on topic

I'm not feeling like my old self. Accepting it and letting that go without holding on to something that's gone. Let's elaborate.  I got a lot of Facebook and google photo's memories. 

Ballet experience 

When I watch the old pics and clips. I think back at some experiences. I'm not OMG I was strong for dancing injured, for dancing mentally weak, for dancing physically really sick, for dancing during burnouts, for dancing within toxic situations, for dancing with nobody actually cheering for me. But weak for dancing while I dare to say it... really unhappy.  I'm not here bashing the school or the dancers. Because it's not about them at all. I'm reflecting on not taking better care of myself by choosing to put myself at last. And let's just say it " taking one for the team". Making unhealthy choices to not let people down. And sounds out of character for me. But I'm forcing myself to learn this " if letting you down means choosing me than I'm going to have to let you down". And no I'm not a master at this. Mostly because I have a heart.  But you'll figure out which situations is not worth you losing your peace for and which aren't. I PRAY ON IT. BUT OVERALL I TRY MY BEST NOT TO LET MYSELF DOWN ANYMORE. 

RCD Studio

This company has small milestones that I forget to celebrate. That I don't always share. It has dreams and visions that are yet to be flourish that I dare not speak to anyone yet. This is a big change from when I first started. Every little milestone I celebrated openly. I'm very cautious because I know the depth of it not working out because others negative mindset and words. So I keep it safe until the time is right.

Family

I had my doctor ask about my family and with a smile no feeling weird about it I told him the truth. I mean I have a good relationship with both of my parents. Me and my dad have set boundaries and respect them from each other. I see my younger nephews urging for an deeper connection with me and slowly succeeding in that. I see the oldest learning how to deal with his emotions.  Sorry but better than the adults in this family. My niece is not my little baby girl anymore and growing up too fast for me. My sister created the life she finds happiness and peace within. And for the first time I'm actually not micromanaging the situation like I usually do and leaving it as is. Friendship with my brother is consistently changing and evolving.

Change is a part of the journey.  The moment I figure out that everything has a expiration date I feel less stressed and more at ease because of it.