40 DAYS| DAY 6

Hello RCD readers,

I'm writing my 40days here. Not sharing it but if you are a frequent reader of my blog you'll notice my daily post and if not God will.

As you can see I haven't written since Saturday. But I'm back today. 

I had a great Saturday with my nephew's.  We had to improvise how to feed them but it all went well. An old friend drove by my house that day and sent a little jokingly response.  I found it funny because he hasn't been a good friend at all. If I write something to him that's really bothering me personally in my life he either doesn't respond and when he does he acts like he hasn't read that because he is so busy. So he only wants to talk about what he finds entertaining. He also makes sure that i get if we don't agree about something he ends the conversation because he doesn't argue. He is going to have a wake up call one day. You can't remove yourself and ask the person to hide certain parts of themself to accommodate yourself. He makes it pretty easy to give the same response he gives me. 

Same with a current friend who made a 360 in December for no apparent reasons.  All the sudden not responding if I share something.  And his response would have to be " be happy that I respond sometimes. I don't like using Whatsapp.  I like talking to people one on one." I'm like keep waiting. I stopped sending anything.  I don't think he even noticed that I stopped sharing my life with him. If I'm an inconvenience than I'm going to move on.

An old old friend becoming my support system again. I like that he may not always respond directly but he knows me well enough to know when I need a listening ear. He has a lot of dreams and goals in his life. This includes starting a family and supporting them. So I do pray for him to get that in his life because since I've met him he wanted to have a family. I always found it weird and always said to him in my twenties I'm thinking about babies how can you be thinking about having them. And now I might loose him again because I'm praying he gets something that he really wants which means that he might be leaving.

I never discuss these people in my blog for the last month's because if you talk about a man, people always think you are dating somebody.

But nobody is reading my 40days so I think that I'm safe.

Yesterday was a blessed day a friend is going to help me with the computer situation.  He looked for the computer that I could need for work and if we can buy it will come end of the month. I did tell him actually to put on hold because my savings is a back for home. But he looked anyway and actually found something not that expensive.  Ofcourse I didn't tell my mother but we need it. If she knew I was not using my savings for me than she would be mad. But the expenses are growing faster than my income and we need to figure it out. So when push comes to shove I'll have the money.  

Last years I use to talk to people close to me about these situations. And I always thought when I asked "what do you think I can do?". They never responded nor gave a helping hand. Or even said " if you do this and that.  Maybe you'll get out of this situation." So I stopped pouring my heart out to these people about my problems. One even said that I was overdramatic but he couldn't walk a step in my shoes. And he was always shocked but never sympathetic enough to be a loyal friend.  You see people better when you stop talking and let them make an effort in the friendship. You'll notice that you are watering dead plants.

But I've noticed the tribe that I can go to when shit hits the fan. They help. They come up with solutions. They check up on me. They actually really support my business.  They applaud and celebrate my wins publicly.  I'm tired of people being entirely somebody else in front of people with me. Just to fit in the crowd.

Yesterday I finally sent a respond to my ex his kind friend. Which includes " if you want my services you'll have to be a little precise what you need. You will not be picking me up. You will pay me up front". I'm kinda hoping for no reponse actually because he was really rude to me and I don't think he knows it. I really feel sorry for the women in his life that accept that attitude. 

Praying

Praying is going perfectly. It's a habit now and I love it. I talk to God daily about my ups and downs. I ask for forgiveness when I'm frustrated.  I thank him for his blessings daily. And I also ask him to guide me and protect me daily. You see I've tried a zodiac thing and the person is talking about changes in my life. I know that I will have changes but I choose God to guide me. I'm not sure if he sent this person. Now I'm kinda confused if so while I'm writing this but I'll pray for it.. because the changes are happening these following 3 months and I am claiming them.

Fastening

The eating no meat is hard but the removing myself from negative people is working. The staying away from my phone not so much. But I'm not consistently looking at it the whole day.

Giving back

My giving back is helping my mother more. And I really want to make sure that I can give something for the church fasting fundraiser. The joining workgroups in the church is not for me yet. I actually don't want try in any of the groups and what I know is your purpose will come to you. So the priest hogging people to join certain groups is not going to help. What I want to do is actually learn ballet to little kids in church. Because I actually like that. I'm thinking about doing something that I think is important.