Saying goodbye to May |Day in the life RCD

Hello RCD readers,

I'm back from my hiatus. I'm finally finish with correcting two project's.  It took a whole month because of life. 

Recap of the month May

Sickness 

The week began with everyone getting sick. My father was in the hospital without telling anyone.  Another family member having Covid with their partner and kids. My partner was sick the week before. And I had to deal with getting word of my father's health through different sources. And having those awkward conversations with siblings what will happen if my father was not around anymore. After the first week went by my sweet mother became sick. She couldn't walk without pain because of too much Vitamin B12 injections. Funny nobody would fess up and no doctor would take the blame. 

My anniversary week

I came up with this idea to celebrate my anniversary because we don't go out as much during Covid . So I wanted to celebrate it. I picked a place that we wanted to go long ago but somebody chickened out because of the price. So we choose a different place that time but this time I wanted it. We had the money and worked hard for it. We talked it over he said yes. Going their was amazing. We had a great ride as always because we are intertwined like that. I enjoyed myself. The dancing and the "dancing", the swimming, the reading something we both like and the food ofcourse. Only what messed me up. I was reading the first night finally how my dad was doing. And that was a bummer and kinda ruined how I felt that night. A punch in my stomach the whole night. And he had an operation that day nobody knew as always.  He also dropped boms about finances that was going to be left to us to deal with for the beginning of the month. Which I got because he wasn't able to do anything. And I was eager to help out because none of us were ready for this. Everyone had things that needed to be paid with the less money they had because of the economy. 

My birthday

I didn't want a party anyways. And I'd already celebrated with my partner during the week our anniversary so my birthday I was okay for it to be just a day. Plus when planning everyone would be busy my partner had a training. My brother and I were working in the morning. So the week before I opted out to celebrate mother's day a day early. So I wouldn't be stuck with the check alone and the next day everyone could celebrate mother's day with their family. 

But life happens. I don't remember a lot of that day.  My father health came with extra drama. My mother cooked for me. I got a sweet present from my brother a sentimental pen. My sister gave me a bikini. And my mother bought me some modern plates that I've been eyeing for a while. Even my ballet teacher bought me candy. I didn't feel happy and didn't feel like celebrating like I always felt like. My partner came to me at night and we hung out.

Mother's day

I came up with a great idea to go through with the yearly plan. I would spoil my mother and sister with this time a visit to the city and buy some food. Everyone had a blast. And it was an amazing day. The people that needed my love for that day got it. 

Partner's mother's birthday 

My partner needed somebody to help him with decorating for his mother birthday. Ofcourse he said to many yes to different engagements which meant he felt overtired , irritated and kinda physically and mentally done. He needed a real break. But the birthday was around the corner. So us two and his brother's wife came together to come up with an idea. I just followed her . She had an great concept so we just followed. 

The birthday woman had an amazing birthday. She got exactly what she wanted that day.

Getting sick

Ofcourse life couldn't get weirder. Mother got worst and nobody could help and did help. And with that I got sick. No Covid just my body was having a burnout. Physically and mentally.  

Beginning of June 

Finishing project's 

Very slow I could start working again. I felt like an loser because it went so slow. I finally finished one client is playing peekaboo with the payment.  And the second got lucky that project got accepted. Because I told him of a certain needed document and he didn't want to listen. 

Support system 

I felt almost a whole month terrible and actually alone. Just going through the motions that I spoke to friends. Friends from ballet, colleagues etc. And the women in my life showed up. They called every day. They gave good advice. And they shared their mental state sometimes. It made me calmer.  Because I was getting a lof of anxiety. Extra heighten pressure of every shit going down.

Friend marriage

One friend that I told about my month invited me to her wedding. Like one week before the wedding.  It was a honour but it made me think.

One I'm your so called friend but you never said a word the times we were talking. I was asked to be a bridesmaid and then told not needed but thanks. But the marriage part made me think. I asked friends about their stance.  I've yet to see a marriage that I would say this will be a succes. I've seen what it takes.  And I've learned over the year's the real commitment in being married. And I've seen people fight for their relationship because it's a choice but still not succeed. I've also seen people stay in dysfunctional hurtfull situations because they are that special number and want a family and that white picket fence story. I don't know how to feel about that yet. In my twinties I had a different outlook of marriage than in my thirties.

But I've learned what I wanted talking to friends about marriage. The beginning is not important but it should be a sacrifice from both sides in which they can come into an agreement with. They should always be a united front and a great team. Both should be financially independent and stable enough to have control over their lifestyle without others being able to put their two cents because the couple is independent financially.  They should see the truth about love. It's a commitment.  In the bad days you need to say I will not give up I'm still here. Their should be truth and acceptance because you need to be able to look in mirror and say I have to work on this together or by myself. They need to understand what the other one means without always seeing it as an insult. They should communicate well. They  shouldn't keep secrets. They should always be respectful of the relationship.  They should always stand up for each other in public. They should have the same dream and work ethic to achieve those dreams together. I love the quote "they should form a two handed circle and nobody should be allowed in this two handed circle". 

I don't know what this month will bring but I know God will get me through it like He has every single time when I was broken. He picks the pieces and glues me back together.