Adult Friendships | Day in the life RCD

 

Hello RCD readers,

Let's talk about adulting a little bit. A little backstory. There is a clip strolling towards my feed and fellow friends. The "struggle of maintain adult friendships". 

Friendships as kids (till 10years)

Research has shown that friendship are mostly made really easy during recess. The gender also plays a big role. Which kids tend to make friend with a child older and/or same gender. Outside school is mostly through hobbies or parents are friends and kids end up getting stuck together. During family activity kids can easy make friends on the playground. The friendships are easy to maintain because they are based on what you have in common. The same way it's easy to make friendship is the same it's easy to break them. Just silly fights. And most of the time it's also easy ment too.

Friendships as teenagers (11-18)

When puppy love and teenage hormones comes in. Kids slowly start turning into the person they want to become. Mimicking their idols from music artists , to actors, to coolest teacher, to coolest family member and sometimes biggest idol a parent.  Often friendship are made by who you think you could hang out with and actually enjoy their company. But it's mostly chosen from their own classroom. The same gender goes out the window. And sometimes same hobbies also. But finding one thing that they can connect through is the base of their friendships. Which means friendships are formed with simple connections like a dislike for the same teacher or school subject. Outside is mostly via hobbies, hang out spots. But the guts to go to a stranger and start talking with the attend of becoming friends is bit difficult. So it starts getting trickier. But you can always have school and hobbies to make friends. Because most of the times during hobbies working as a team creates bonds.

Friendships as young adults (19-26)

For some it's starting to work and for other's it's going to university. Because the split up starts and the friendships you made as a kid or young adult is harder to maintain.  Because you have a definite split up in life choice. The once who choose work will have different priorities than you. So keeping in touch is harder. Definitely for women. I can't talk that much about male friendships. 

Friendship as adults (above 27 years)

Almost impossible.  Everyone has an entire life. And so many hats to fill. That maintaining a friendship is a lot of work. And making new friends even harder. The time you use to make friends through your hobbies or through work is a bit difficult.  People don't like small talk. Including me. Not everyone is a good idea to start a friendship with. And like when you were a child. It's harder to figure out what kind of person you are dealing with. At school you could observe and figure out who they are before starting a friendships. But not as an adult. It's more like Russian roulette. 

But maintaining the friendships you've created in your 20's or even as a child is harder.  We've grown into different people then when we first met. We have different lifestyles and priorities which drifting a part is a given. You become strangers. You miss milestones from each other. You blinked and noticed not talking for over months, years. You meet other people that you connect with. You are use to not putting the work within a friendship.  The connection came automatically.  But now you have to nurture a friendship just like you do a relationship with your lover. And we often don't have enough time in the day. And don't make it a priority to nurture that friendship. 

Also at fault with this one for years. I'm that low attention friend.  I don't need to hear from you every day. If I still love you.. root for you.. support you when you need me.. I'm the friend you can not talk to for years but if you need me I'm there without needing anything back. But.. a big but.. you have articulate what you need.

And life happened.  I drifted apart with people that where suppose to be the bought uncle or aunt. But we became strangers. We stopped calling when we were down because their name never popped up to call for help. We carried it by ourselves or turned towards the friends that were close that moment or family. And your friends missed milestones. They missed your biggest setback. They missed you feeling alone. They missed you depressed. They missed you fighting for your self love back. And it's sometimes not that they didn't want to be their for you. It's just you are on two different journeys that don't collide at all. I had this convo with a client last week.  You can either dwell on it or let it go with love. No bad blood. Just love from a far. And that's okay.

So as I'm stepping into a new phase of my life. I'm learning from my mistakes and creating real bonds with the intent of nurturing them. But also being okay with not holding on to what I needs letting go off.