Cutting Family ties | Day in the life RCD

Hello RCD readers,

As I'm writing this inspired blog the same day. I'm thinking about a tik tok clip I saw about family ties.

Inspiration for the blog post

The motivational speaker talks about God often. And his lesson are really obvious that you sometimes can't believe you didn't figure them out yourself. 

Yesterday he spoke about family ties. His blessings and growth from God was stagnant because his negative talk from family and own trauma response from childhood.  He spoke about his sister who stopped talking to family and distancing herself from all that negativity.  He admired her because he thought that sounds amazing and a strong thing to do. But then he backtracked and talked about how she isn't happy because she is lonely and has no support system.

That made me think about family ties. Of course I have to be very careful how I write this blog post without offending my family or saying things that are not my secrets to tell. 

Let's start with an universal quote or maybe just from Suriname "Elk huis heeft zijn kruis".

People forget that. Including my family. Each family unit thinks the other one has it better. Which is not true. Everyone is dealing with their own normal life stress with a pinch of family drama and a lot of past unhealed trauma. 

Which changes in a family can help ?

I would love to give my insight of certain main subjects that I would love to discuss when it comes over this subject. 

1) be respectful

2) non judgmental 

3) lead with kindness

4) setting boundaries 

5) embrace change (distance the person you see with the person you grew up with)

Be Respectful

First we have learn to have respect for each other own choices. The moment we distance ourselves from the person we are talking to with the life choices they are making. That's is the moment where a peaceful, respectful and mindful conversation begins. Everything would be much easier and loving because you treat people different when you learn to respect them no matter what.

Non judgmental  

This is actually fed with people gossiping about each other. People make stands about things when they've heard an one-sided story off. We are not here to judge the way people as a family. I've learned with my siblings that not agreeing on everything is a norm and moving on from that is a must. We don't need to agree about everything the other does. Sometimes you can't see what the other sees and you'll be wrong. And even if you were right. It was useless reaction to judge a person ever.

Lead with kindness

I try to stay kind to everyone no matter how long we haven't seen each other. Help where you can. Support where you can. We are family no matter what. Especially when it's kid's involved. I'm aunty no matter what. The kid's are our kids. They are our future. They will be representation of our family lineage. The moment you start being kind to everyone and leave the bullshit at home. That's the moment love grows and acceptance begins. Be more supportive towards each other.

Setting boundaries

This is a must. Every has their own triggers and own boundaries. How they want to be talked too and treated. The moment a family starts being vocal about what their boundaries are and here comes the respect. The moment other start respecting those boundaries that's where the peace begins. Here is where better communication skills is needed. Learning how to speak to each other. 

Embrace change

This is personal. As a family we grow up with people with a certain vision. And it's hard but needed. They are not the same person anymore. Sometimes better and sometimes not. You need to re-learn who they are now in their life. Like any relationship. Having the patience and compassion for that is needed. If somebody did you wrong as a child. Forgive and try to see the person as they. That also means if somebody were a saving angel when you were a child. And now a Asshole. Also adjust yourself. hahahah.

We are all going through things that molds us, that breaks us or if we are lucky evolves us. We are not our past. So try not to treat people of their past. 

Cutting family ties

I get the reason. I get the hurt. I get the feeling of not being welcome where you use to call home. I get being tired of demanding respect and sometimes fair treatment from people you call family. I get the hardest decision is letting go and cutting all ties.

As so many have tried. I get it. But if it helps I have no idea. I do know I set my boundaries and accept people as they are. I know what to expect from each of them. And I adjust my reaction and feelings as such. I removed my getting bothered of peoples opinion about me. And I place myself where I feel joy in every family gathering. 

Sorry for not a better response but I've never been their and with God I think I never will be. Nobody is perfect. People may need time to recollect themselves but the end of the day they are always welcomed back from my side.

Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind.