Curtain Call | Day in the life RCD

Hello RCD readers,

The title says it all. I wouldn't say final curtain call because I have no idea when the next will be for this time.  I have decided to focus on finding an balance, working on growing my company and taking better care off myself.

Hectic June

I made a conscious decision to push myself to not miss an ballet training day and also a teaching class. And I know how to keep my promise to myself. It was hard and of course my body got really sick and my brain could not function for the choreography. I would practice only 5min before each dance at every training. As a perfectionist this was hard for me because I felt like I sucked and was a burden mostly. Which I became more antisocial mostly because the ones that I was close with stopped responding a lot time ago. Which means you stop connecting to people around you like in the beginning.

Family affair 

My uncle came to Suriname during the busiest time. Which meant I had to drive as an idiot. Clean my house during hectic stage. Everything forced will never go smoothly.  That is exactly what happened.  Nothing planned. Nothing done as we wanted to. We missed visiting my brother's work, going to see my sisters house and last cooking something that was actually planned. And of course family drama for no reason but people love creating shit. I did have amazing time meeting his wife and my cousin plus his wife. It was an breeze to just have an hour or two with them. Can't wait to see them again in different circumstances.

Almost everyone of the family.

Who showed up?

Nobody came to the show but my sister and goddaughter. A lot of people saying good luck but not one person saying I'll come. That includes my uncle and cousin. I wasn't disappointed because my big family never once wanted to come in the 28 years I've danced in a show. Call it jealousy.  Call it no support. Call it just not interested. I don't really care anymore. I stop counting on them to come. My big bro has little kids and they can't come to the show. My mom had nobody to bring her and didn't want to go end of the day. My dad made an excuse missed it. When he stopped coming for me years ago. 

My dance recital present. Never got a present for a performance.
That was a first.

Thalia 

By the end of June my body was overtired. I just boosted a promo and had a lot of responses. Hoping for a yes. Two weeks ago we had every day to practice instead of Wednesday.  Now I was terrible. 

• Monday my cute kids did their best and it was great for the first time. 
• Tuesday was my dance class turn. My arms were terrible. My mind did not work well for me.  And last my dance partners made mistakes too and none of them wanted to practice it. But most important I had no energy. I was so sick but didn't want to miss the practice. I kept getting high fever consistently. 
• Thursday was general repetition for the show.  I was okay. We still made mistakes but we were okay. 

Dandelions. My ballet class danced the first performance. I was so proud of them. I almost wanted to be a teacher instead of the dancer. When I saw them but everything went okay as it should thanks to the moms.

Show Time

My sweet intelligent friend Jess came to help me. Which I couldn't be more happy for. I didn't think that I needed her for the feeling of home but I did. She was my home and made me feel like I was going to be just fine. I did not feel well. And I was the most anti social person in the group. I felt terrible but I did had enough energy to dance. A friend kind of disappointed me by not coming. Because the person never saw me dance and I wanted to show my passion. My friend bought a ticket and all but had to work. Was looking to let them see me dance. Kind of hurt my feelings.  Felt like I was kind of being robbed from that experience. I always say my peace and brush it off. But I've learned to accept things as they are. Which sometimes means letting go of that fantasy what kind of friendship you have with somebody. So I said my peace and left it but also crushed that fantasy of what I wanted it to be.

Last show

I was freakishly sad that day. Which nobody noticed or were to scared to ask or didn't care enough.  Not sure which. I enjoyed all the dances. I embraced my mistakes and made the best out of each situation. I thank God for giving me strength for each day last week because I felt terrible. But I didn't give up.

The youngest in the middle.

Weird is to dance with my students as young ladies. So proud of these ladies.

Embrace change or stillness will show 

I've decided to focus on other areas of my life and figuring out what that means is scary, sad but still exciting. The possibility is endless but I have to let go of the fantasy in my head and steer towards embracing the unknown while creating my own journey. 

Curtain Call

As one chapter is closing for awhile. I've decided to focus on what I've been working this entire year. My future. You have to make space for growth and evolution or you'll stay stuck in one place your whole life. Hoping for a better balance.

Embrace change❣