Apathetic | Day in the life RCD

Hello RCD readers,

As I'm writing this on a quiet Saturday. I'm filling water in an inflatable swimming pool for my nephews. I'm sitting on a mat in my garage looking at the rain falling down.

My Saturday began as usual. I wake up early and clean the house. I go give my dog food and bath to go work. I almost never eat in the morning mostly cause my stomach won't keep the food down that early. I use to go really early to ballet but things change. So I just chill in the car and enjoy music. As I wait for my midday to begin I've chosen how to spend my Saturday's with a small act of kindness for my nephews. Mostly these are the years that molds them and turns them to hard working loving adults.

An act of kindness 

I've seen people do act of kindness because it makes them feel good. Now that sounds weird right?. But yes the most of the time an act of kindness well received gives you a dopamine shot that sometimes strokes your ego. It sounds weird but their is a little truth behind it. Why are some people kind? 

• you have people that have gone through hell and never want anybody to feel that so they are there for some strangers who need that extra love.
• you have people that do acts of kindness because they feel like they are worthy religious people by doing so
• you have people their hearts that just calls out for them to do a good deed. 
• you have people who are people pleaser and don't actually want to do certain things but they were raised to do good for others
• you have people who have a little God complex and think only they can help the person in life

And is any of these options the best?

I don't think so. I don't think we have to judge a person for doing certain good things or the motive behind the kind action or sweet words. Because we all have been fault to each chosen reason.  

Going through hell

Hell is a strong word. But going through terrible stages of my life where I didn't find any good or it was hard to see. I found joy into helping when I felt terrible. I tried to befriend people who like me are outsiders of the group and make them feel welcome. I try to make my mistakes normal so that the person doesn't feel alone. It's a weird reaction but caring about a stranger, friend, loved one or family member because you know what loneliness , disconnection and desperation feels like is perfectly normal human response.

A good Christian 

I used to have that a lot. Politeness to people who were disrespectful.  Act of kindness just because of the setting. It never worked. Same with my Morals and ethnics from the church. These were engraved in who I am as a person. And because of that I was tested in many relationships. Love and friendship. Because nothing is black and white. I fought with my own morals and ethics with people consistently. Which now thinking back I should've made a list what I want in life and what my boundaries are. And everyone that can't respect that shouldn't be a discussion but a simple disconnect. It saves a lot of unnecessary discussions and explanation why you choose certain things. Because nobody needs to ever explain themselves you accept them or you don't.  It's as simple as that.

Random acts of kindness 

I know for a fact that you sometimes have no idea why you would help somebody you dislike. Give somebody money when you just know that it's your last buck. Go out of your way to do something for somebody which you've said no to others so many times in life. I believe that's God.  The spirit needs you to do something. You'll never have an explanation why you did that because it is mostly out of your character. But it's just God working through you for somebody else's prayer.

People pleaser

That's a hard one for me. I have learned to say no because I use to say yes to anybody because I knew they really needed something or wanted something. So doing that act of kindness would make them happy or make their life easier. But I've learned to do it less with certain people who have shown me they only think of themselves and not one minute of my feelings, my happiness, my well being and last my gain of the situation.  Sometimes disconnection is needed. But just setting your boundaries and saying no more is good enough. 

God complex 

If not you than who will. I've learned if not you somebody else will. You don't need to fix every problem for everyone. You get a big wake up call when you remove yourself from certain roles and see that the person can fix their shit by themselves they are just spoiled and used to misuse you kindness. Asserting yourself when not asked is mostly a God complex. Somebody else will step up. It will not be the same but they will learn and they will figure it out on them own.

Now the chosen word for this blog post says it all. As an adult I've learned a lot about people.  Most of the time we as humans can only care about ourselves. What the situation can benefit us physically and emotionally. Most of time we as human are not really interested in the other's life, struggles and last victories. So when we listen but forget to remember for the next time around. So our words and acts of kindness in the life are brewed from our own egotistical way. And the act's of kindness seemed more like bartering. I've accepted that people act's of kindness is sometimes boiled up with self gain and I'm trying my best to let my own judgement of their reasons go.  

Things always work out in your favor if you are willing to see it. So fixating on the why an act of kindness is useless energy.

Be kind towards each other and work on doing it with your heart not your ego nor God complex nor purely just your religion.