Suriname Queen | Day in the life RCD

Thirty Flirty and Thriving

Hello RCD readers,

I wrote this blog post this Monday.  My day began with me getting an amazing call from the building department saying my proposal for registration as an architect was approved. I went for help at my big bro. And I had to delete my account which I was the only thing I actually use at night for fun and chilling. But that's life. And in the night time as I just spoke with a friend who wants to be interesting by not answer a simple "Why was your day good?". And give a response about "Only responding how my day was face to face with people". He's right. Face to Face communication is more fun. But when I open up and am vulnerable. And the response is quietness. Sorry but my energy is not going to drained with no effort by the other side for a normal friendship. And it has to be said boundaries are for your own mental health. With that being said.

Now let's talk about the Suriname Queen

I have a sweet inspiring young friend who just turned 30. We are online buddies. Mostly because she is in the other side of the world. When I said happy birthday I asked her age. It brought me back. So I said "Girl you are going to love it".

We bonded after years a little because of both out of long term relationships. No bashing. No negativity. Just simple empowerment of figuring your shit out when you are alone but not lonely. We share our new lives. And the force embracement that comes with this. She is more a social bunny than me. I'm more I want to get my goals in order that I have control over. After so many years of fear.

She is the only Suriname exchange student in that University and also the first. So one friend calls her the Suriname Queen.

So on her birthday I gave her my wise words. I'll share them with you.

A lot of people I know hate getting older. I think they see themselves not in the best shape, not doing their purpose in life, not hitting the checklist in their head (marriage or kids or living together) and they feel like failures.

And I see this different. Turning 30 was amazing for me.

Turning 30 meant for me the following:

More responsibilities means more freedom

More responsibilities means also more freedom but also more consequences and less or no falling back for your parents to catch you when you fall. It is gave me a kind of freedom that shock of you don't have a safety net anymore. Which meant everything that happens is all up to you. You decide. It's exhilarating to feel like you have total control of your life. 

Freedom

I know a lot of people may not get this. But if you go to the university in Suriname. If you go Natin- PTC than you'll be 25 years when you graduate if you don't fail any subject. After that follows work experience. Which feels like working with no surviving income. Especially if your parents are not going to hand a peace of land to you and you will have to work for it. So when you hit 30. You have this income under control. You've found your drive to actually be able to support yourself a little while saving up slowly. And you are financially cable to enjoy the small things in life with your money. That feels amazing. Now you can go all out as some friends and spent every cent of traveling plus working remotely. So that you have that freedom to create an unconventional lifestyle. Or you can use every saving to go on trips around the world. Or you can do as me. Save your money for rainy days and spent your money on your loved ones. That choice feels great when you can make it for yourself.

I don't give a fuck attitude

And most important that " I don't give a fuck attitude and I'm not doing anything that I don't want to do". I got in trouble with a lot of people. Friends, family members, colleagues and ballet buddies. Because I use to be a people pleaser. I made sure to always help. But no loyalty back. Plus learning that people will misuse your kindness and be totally disrespectful because you have been raised to respect you elders. But 30 I've gone through enough drama in my life that I refused to have that in my 30. The words " No " became my favorite words. It was impowering to achieve the stepping stone of :

- not taking people nonsense or jealousy or dislike to personally

- stop fixing other people drama (You watch them figure it out themselves. Say your peace once and leave it. You are not everyone's savior in life)

- not begging for people to like me (I stopped caring about what people thought of me. My self worth and self love was not high but I was never going belittle myself for other's peace. Especially when they were obviously not respectful towards me or giving real effort in being friendly or trustworthy)

- not losing myself and damaging my mental health for other's  (just learned this)

- Not giving people the satisfaction of my anger

Boundaries

This was the last thing. The first time in my life I didn't ask a family member or a loved one something that I knew should be no. Put this easy. Do not go where you are not welcome just for the peace. I learned my boundaries and standing up for my boundaries while taking an online teach in. How to deal with my boundaries. How to keep your mental peace in check. And what happens if you don't keep your needs in check. So my boundaries change every time. Today my boundaries would be. 

- Sunday is my day. It's my day to spent with God, my day to clean, my day to enjoy myself and watch a movie or read a book. And I make sure that I keep that free. I would turn of my phone but I listen to music. 

- Mornings are to calm myself and slowly do my morning routine. I don't pick up a phone or anything before 8 o'clock

- Distance to friends who show me their true colors. I've made a lot of people acquaintances because their actions

- Don't bow down to anybody who doesn't show you the respect you deserve. That's the little B I remember as a girl speaking up. 

This is for my Suriname Queen. You are going to love 30. Enjoy it. Their is beauty in the fact that you can mold your life. Make sure to embrace it and be proud of that. You get to choose with input of girlfriends or family because You pay the damn bills and your life is entirely your responsibility now.