The joy of life| Day in the life RCD

Hello RCD readers,

The week began with father's day and I spoiled my brother because he was the father figure in the home since the time he turned 18 and could drive. And talking about it makes me sad and more resentful towards my parents. But their is joy in this. We became closer since I turned 11. He was at every dance recital. And most of all he was always their. But if asked I don't say it. Because it comes with a whole lot of explaining why he is important in my life and with stupid questions that I don't want to answer.

Second week of change 

This week is week 2 and fine but not fine. But funny thing it feels like dejavu. It feels likes phases that I follow but the ending is always the same.  That makes me calmer.  Because I know the ending was amazing. I've kept quiet about almost everything. Because the truth is private. The reason is private. And most of all you can never talk negative when you had good times.  So focussing on the positive. Because their is. Last time I got through though times by myself. And I survived. This time I'm older and rocky roads are up ahead but guess what He will get me through them like always. And may not bring joy but it does make me feel strong and protected. Just remembering that you should let people find their own happiness in life whatever that means for you.

Seeing someone you love after so long

Sometimes you see people make terrible choices in life. And seeing them go through their karma is sad and hurtfull. You can pray they will get through because everything is their choice.  And they are going through their consequences right now. But funny we as humans are so flawed. We ruin our lives sometimes.  We listen to those Frenemies and jelouse family members  who sole purpose is to see you fucking stand still so they can feel good about themselves. We take people for granted that always kept supporting, motivating, protecting and showing you love. And still we don't appreciate it. Seeing someone unhappy, unhealthy and lonely by own doing is hard to watch. Especially when they've gone so deep. Your words can't reach them anymore. You keep praying for them but that doesn't mean you should go back in that rollercoaster again.

Being that support system

I've seen a lot of friends become single this year. And it makes me wonder. Meant to be or mistakes.  I have no idea. Just being kinder and compassionate towards eachother without bashing the other person is the most important.  It brings me peace and gratefulness to be surrounded with kindness. Talking about something other than their relationship is the kindest thing you can do. 

A dance in time

A couple of days ago I found an old dance. Instagram wanted it removed for no reason at all. But seeing it after responding no copyrighted music.  That was amazing I danced beautiful.  No amazing flips or tricks just calm beauty.I always cringe when I see myself dancing.  I found joy in seeing myself dance.  You see this year I tried a couple of times to skip so that I had more special time with loved ones. I wouldn't say it was a waste of time. But it made me fall in love with movement instead the people again. I'm slowly learning why I love to dance.

Giving second chances

Seeking for forgiveness by trying to kinder.  Forgive them for talking behind your back. Forgive them for being arrogant and because of their insecurities.  Let them make their own mistakes in life while just keeping your opinion to yourself.  Start a friendship with the first step kindness. I get joy in the fact that resentment is slowly leaving me.

The joy of accepting your surroundings for what they are

The peace of knowing and accepting your surroundings and who the people are around you. You see. Knowing who the people are around me was never the problem.  Giving them the power of your unhappiness that is something I'm letting go. It brings me joy to say" not my circus , not my monkey's,  not my problem"

Reinventing my journey 

A lot of changes. Trying really hard to let go of certain things.  Like calling for gossip, watching movies, including second opinions ( for work that will have influence on my future) , calling for help, etc. First letting go of habits and relearning your daily thinking that will take awhile but I'm being consistent.  Second time in a row. So I know what works and what doesn't . The question is what are my goals now and what am I working on now. 

 I know letting go will allow me to create something new. It worked every time and every situation. It will work again.