Ballerina Girl Day in the life RCD

 

Hello RCD readers,

As I walk into a room of little children running around because they feel safe and at home. A place where you see little monkeys hanging on a bar before they become my beautiful ballerinas. You see them whine down from a stressfull schoolday. You see them evovle and finally get that thing you've been teaching for months. You see them make friends.

I'm overtired cause I actually had a half day of work behind me. And a couple of hours for prep. I pep myself up and go for the day. Sometimes unprepared and simply feeling not a great teacher. Sometimes over-prepared and nothing works in the class. And sometimes I get magic. A simple lessonplan. A music list that inspires me. A checklist of what I need to work on. And time management within my dance class. And I get that epiphany " a little girl dreamed this as something that was never possible". Make that little girl proud and I go on with the class.

I don't forget to be grateful. I have no idea what the future will bring. And I have so many unspoken dreams and silent wished accomplishments that are still not in fruition. I dare not say them out loud for the fear of judgement or not being good enough.  But most important for the fear of not having enough time in the day for it.

So for now I keep learning very slowly. I've been dancing since 6 years old. I've learned the basic.  And it's my turn to become better. But the question is what do I want. I've been a teacher assistant since 2007. I've inspired others to follow these footsteps. I've never felt like I would belong in any other danceschool or dance company.  That I would say try a different studio. Not for the fear of something new. But for feeling of not being fulfilled. 

As I'm busy making two dances with feedback from other's while it's not done yet. I can feel like I'm maybe failing. But then I remember what the important part is and I keep it moving. I have done it before. Stop letting negativity feedback in. Only listen to the positive voice in and around me. And I know that I will be just fine. 

The questions that keep me lingering. What do I want to evolve in this part of my life ? What makes me happy ? What is worth sleepless night for? What is possible without losing myself? What do I want my future self thank me for?