Keep your promise to yourself | Day in the life RCD

Hello RCD readers,

Today as I'm waiting to start my day for church I feel a little ashamed and disappointed. Not because people I asked last minute let me down when I'm always there for them when they asked. That's a different issue. I'm disappointed in myself for being scared to take that step that was really important to me.

I came up with so many excuses. A couple were valid but end of the day I would still show up for other's in that situation. Why didn't I show up for myself when I needed that for growth. Yes I feel terrible about it. A lot of people response were. "Sorry I forgot.". "It's okay that you have pain. I'm sick"." I will go for you. I promise". But both go when it was over and came over with the excuse I had to go somewhere else first.

Now I can blabber about people not showing up for how you show up for them. But me showing up for people is not about them using me. It's a representation of my character. Not a response to their love.
But what bother me the most that fear really won. And ofcourse the devil is having a field day here with me feeling ashamed like I will always be stuck and never grow. Like this was my last opportunity. Like I won't achieve any of those things. No I'm not going to say that. I will say this. 

 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof" Proverbs 18:21. 

This means:
Life and Death: Our words have the capacity to build others up, offer encouragement, heal relationships, and spread hope (speaking "life"). Conversely, they can tear people down, cause deep wounds, destroy reputations, and spread negativity (speaking "death").

Reaping the Fruit: The second part of the verse, "those who love it will eat its fruit," means that the speaker will eventually face the consequences, or "eat the fruit," of their own words, whether they are positive or negative. If one consistently speaks kindly and wisely, they will reap positive outcomes; if one speaks harshly or foolishly, they will face the negative results. 

So I can't do anything about the past. I can't do anything that I missed it. But I can do a lot how I respond.  How I fix this. How I speak positivity and truth over it.
I will find a way because I prayed for it. I will achieve these goals because God makes anything possible.  I will not dwell who is there for this part of my journey and I will focus on the Lord who is. I will show up for myself. And when I fail because I'm human I will show grace and uplift myself to keep moving forward. God gave me this blessing and I'm showing up for it every day to show I can handle His blessings. So I will stop asking for advice and starting praying for God's answers and guidance.

Have a blessed week